A Fool and Her Honey - Celeste

Smiling to keep from crying

Celeste

Believe it or not, the best part of my day was getting out of my own home and going to work just so I could get away from my husband for eight hours, and I didn't even like my job that much. The best part of his day was probably seeing me leave, because he'd have the next eight hours to do what he did best - absolutely nothing, when he was between jobs like now. That's how it's been for every single year of our marriage. Maybe I could make it through one more day.

With a sigh, I sat up, planted my feet on the floor and got up for the day, leaving Equanto on his side of the bed snoring as usual. I only had a few minutes to spend to myself in the bathroom to care of my personal business, and get dressed before I'd have the kids on my heels with our daily school and daycare drop off routine. And if I expected to enjoy my cup of coffee in peace this morning, I needed to hustle.  

Before I stood up, I reached towards the foot of the bed, grabbed my robe, slipped my arms into the sleeves and pulled it around my body as soon as I stood up. I didn't Equanto to crack his eyes and catch site of my almost naked body on my way to the bathroom. Every time he saw me scantily clad he would make some kind of comment in reference to my weight, not to mention him seeing me butt -bald naked.

I knew I needed to lose some weight, and by some, I meant two hundred pounds, as my current weight was right at three fifty six. That's what having babies can do to a woman.  That, and my worse catch twenty two ever; when I don't feel good about my weight, I get depressed, and when I get depressed I eat a lot. When I eat alot, I gain weight, and when I gain weight, I don't feel good about it. It wasn't like I didn't try to control it; I did. Seems like every other day, I was trying to be on a diet.

This is what keeps me sane!

A restriction diet, calorie counting, the watermelon diet, the no carbs diet, the rice diet, Atkins, Jenny Craig, the Master Cleanse, HCG drops - you name it, I've tried it at least for a day or two, but have never been successful because I just love good food. I love the way it tastes and how it feels in my mouth. It's comforting to me when my world is in disarray, which was most of the time. Nothing makes me feel as good as a great plate of food - some fried chicken, candied yams, butter beans with bacon cooked in, homemade macaroni and cheese, cornbread, buttery biscuits, coconut cake, deep fried pies, chocolate chip cookies...I can go on forever. A few pieces of carrot and a handful of grapes with a boiled egg and a cup of yogurt just doesn't do a thing for me but make me cranky and irritable. I have enough drama going on in my home without me contributing to it with rabbit styled eating habits. To make sure my day was off to a good start, I planned to cook the kids homemade waffles topped with strawberry preserves, scrambled eggs with cheese, and sausage. The kind that comes in a plastic roll that has to be formed into patties by hand, then fried up in a pan. Lawd that's some good eating right there!  I hurried through my shower to give me enough time to cook before I had to get the kids off to school.

It took about ten minutes of quick cooking to create and aroma powerful enough to call the kids out of their sleep. Linwood padded into the kitchen first, rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning mommy," he mumbled, throwing his arms around my waist when he reached me.

"Good morning baby. You hungry?"

"Yes. I was dreaming that I was eating pancakes then I woke up."

"How about waffles instead?"

"Yummy!" he smiled, looking over at the waffle maker to check the ready light indicator. "Is it done yet?"

            "Go wash your face and brush your teeth and wake your brothers up; then you can eat."

The loves of my life! - my boys!

Once the three of them, Linwood, Quincy and Jerrod were seated and eating, I rushed to my bedroom and pulled on a pair of elastic-waist black pants and a camisole, curled my hair and threw on some makeup.  My favorite royal blue blouse was laid out on the back of a chair. The office staff at the realty company I worked at as an admin had to take new badge pictures at work, and the blouse went well with my skin tone and made me look radiant... and not so big, which was good for photos.

"You make me a plate," Equanto asks, still reclined but reaching over to the nightstand to get the TV remote.

            Oh god; he's up.

"No, but there's some food in there on the stove when you get ready to eat," I answer, not looking at him but instead pulling at my eyes to apply my eyeliner.

"Okay, I'm ready to eat now."

"Great. The kitchen is in the same place as it was last night when you went to bed E. I know you remember where it is."

"So you can't serve your man?"

"Are you going to get the kids dressed?"

"How long is it gonna take you to put some food on a plate and bring it in here?" he asked, disregarding my question.

"It'll take me no time today, because I'm not going to do it."

"See. That's messed up right there."

"Yeah, whatever." I walked out the bedroom to attend to the children, leaving him mumbling words that I'd rather not hear under his breath. I'd heard them all before anyway; he was just calling me names, and I didn't have time to get my emotions all worked up this morning.

While I dressed the kids, Equanto yelled from the bedroom.

"I'm 'bout to get dressed and I'ma need the car today, so don't leave me. I'll drop you off for work."

"What do you need the car for Equanto?"

"I got some things to do today," he said appearing in the doorway of the boys' room, bare chested and in his boxers.

"Like what?"

My Honey - Equanto

I already knew that he had nothing to do but wreak havoc on our lives, both mine and his own. We'd been through this type of thing a million times before. Whenever he needed to use the car, something crazy would happen. Crazy, like, he'd be on the way to give the landlord the rent money but stopped by the convenience store to get a soda and left the money on the front seat of the car because he forgot about it, and when he came back out, the money was gone. Crazy like, as soon as he cashed his check, some dudes came up to car while was at the light, held a gun to his head and demanded his wallet, then took all the money out and threw the wallet back in the car, hitting him in the face with it. Crazy like, he made a mistake and left the front door unlocked when he went to the grocery store and when he came back, someone had come in the house and took all the boys' video games, but left the rest of the house intact. Hell no he wasn't getting the car.

"I need to go check on this job one of my boys told me about that pays more money than the one I was trying to get."

"Just call them because you're not getting this car."

"Call them?" He crinkled his brows. "Don't nobody be taking job applications over the phone no more."

"Well I don't know what you're gonna do then," I shrugged pushing past him to put my blouse on and complete my look. The two minutes it took me to finish getting dressed and throw on some accessories, were the same two minutes it took my husband to grab and hide my keys and my cell phone. He watched me circle the house, turning stuff upside down in a complete panic, having a cussin' screaming fit for twenty minutes, while he lay back on the bed watching BET.

"I gotta go to work E; stop playing!" I was on my last and final leg at work for being late and having to miss work, and I was in no mood to lose my job.

"Ain't nobody playing. Get your ass out there and catch the bus if you gotta leave."

"You know damn well that's gonna make me late for work!" If I didn't get out of that house in the next two minutes, I'd never make it to downtown Phoenix in time for work.

"I told you, I don't know what you did with them."

"It's not about what I did with them; it's what you did with them."

"I ain't had 'em," he lied.

Frustrated, angry and in tears, I called Candis, hoping her day wasn't jammed packed with appointments. Hearing how upset I was, I didn't have to say much to get her to willingly pick me and the kids up, drop me off at work and take my boys to school, but by the time I got to work, it was too late.  I'd already been written up a few times for being late, and most of the time it was for this same type of mess, and by me being late, and not calling, my boss had no more tolerance. He had termination papers waiting on me when I got there...an hour and a half into my shift.

I didn't call Candis back for a ride a second time. I cried first as I walked to the bus stop, then instead of going home where I wasn't sure if I'd be able to control my emotions enough to keep from killing my husband, I took the bus that would drop me off near Golden Corral.

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