Coming March 2013
Candis' Story
Give me a head full of curly hair and
call me Joan Clayton from Girlfriends,
because I'm pretty desperate for a man. I came to this realization a few weeks
ago as I was sitting at my desk browsing through a thousand emails, sipping a cup
of made-at-home gourmet coffee, and reviewing my priorities calendar. I was
supposed to be designing and sending out my electronic invitation for my
thirtieth birthday bash, coming up in just four short weeks, but got
sidetracked when I realized I'd be entering my thirties without a love
interest. Yeah. I'm about to say goodbye to my twenties and greet the big three
oh, and I just knew I'd have a steady man in my life by now.
Every single birthday for the past eight
years, I've spent with my girls Celeste and Dina. There's nothing like being
celebrated by your best friends on your day, but just once I'd like to spend it
being romanced by a man who actually loves me. Hell, at this point, I'd settle
for one who just likes me a lot. Unfortunately, this year looked like it would
be like all the years that had come before it. Hot lovemaking and cuddling substituted
by the buzzing sound of a battery-operated adult toy.
"Oh well," maybe next year, I
sighed as I reached for my buzzing phone, already knowing it was Dina calling
to see if I'd still make our weekly brunch tomorrow. "Hey girl."
"Hey, you are still coming
right?"
Dina knew me well. I had a habit of
burying myself with work and forsaking my friends. I'd always have good
intentions on going, but more often than not, something would prevent me from
following through up...something like, I just didn't feel like getting dressed.
"Yep, I'll be there."
"You always say that Candis. I've already talked to Celeste and she's coming so you better come," she
chided.
"Dina, I'm going to be there,"
I commit again. Honestly, I could use some time with my girlfriends after the week
I've had. I finally decided to completely break it off with Russell about a
month before, and was currently suffering through withdrawals.
After Russell left that last night we
were together simply for convenient sex purposes, I must have cried for
about an hour, feeling empty, defeated, useless, and unhappy because overall the
relationship was completely unfulfilling. At least for me it was for me.
Russell was probably quite content, but our relationship left a lot to be
desired as far as I was concerned. Did I not deserve happiness and success? I
wasn't one to embrace karma per se, but I'd heard forever that you reap what
you sow, and God don't like ugly. So I had to wonder what had I done so ugly in
my life that God was getting me back with a string of relationship failures?
Okay, there was that one time that I slept with Cynthia Parkinson's husband. And by one time, I mean I've only messed with somebody's husband one time. Chad and I had a full blown affair that lasted more than a year (birthdays not included!). Yeah, I fell for that typical stuff men say when they are trying to land an extra piece of ass instead of going home to their wives.
Okay, there was that one time that I slept with Cynthia Parkinson's husband. And by one time, I mean I've only messed with somebody's husband one time. Chad and I had a full blown affair that lasted more than a year (birthdays not included!). Yeah, I fell for that typical stuff men say when they are trying to land an extra piece of ass instead of going home to their wives.
She
doesn't pay me any attention.
She's
not attentive to my needs.
We're
having problems and about to divorce.
We're
together only for the kids' sake.
We're
separated right now.
I believed every word of it and before I
could stop myself, I was pulling down my panties for Chad on the regular, and
waiting for him to leave his wife.
 |
| Got my butt beat because of Chad! |
Then it didn't help that sex with Chad
was some of the best sex I ever had in my life. And I had quite a few lovers that
I could compare him to. Chad had me sprung. He was sensitive and skillful; he
stayed tuned in to my reactions to his touch, his kiss, his speed and his
stroke. Chad loved me up so good that just the thought of him made me run to
get my Silver Bullet toy. I even showed him how to use it on me once, and like
an honor roll student, he mastered it in a snap and combined it with his own
tricks and turned me out something terrible. Sex that good is hard to come by,
so I had to wonder what the hell was wrong with his wife that she couldn't get
her act together and keep her man happy. If I were Chad's wife, I'd be doing
whatever he wanted me to do all day every day.
Feeling guilty but believing his lies, I
did try to hold out to be Chad's new wife. With the way he was coming over to
my place all the time and rolling around in my bed like we were married, I'd convinced myself that they had to be separated because what wife wouldn't have
a whole lot to say about her husband being gone all the time, or eventually
followed him (or had him followed) to find out what the hell was going on with
her missing man?
During the time that we dated, that man
brought me flowers, told me I was beautiful, gave me all kind of gifts from
jewelry to furniture to cold hard cash for lining the inside of my purse. And did
I mention the sex? It was all good until his wife found out and showed up at my
door one day looking for a fight. Even if I hadn't been caught off guard, I
could barely stomp a spider without running scared, so fighting someone was out
of the question. She beat my ass good. Hair snatched out, eye blackened, lip
busted up, earring yanked out. All of that. I've never been so humiliated in my
life. And even with that said, I can't even blame the woman. I had it coming. I
was screwing her man, I knew it and I knew better. Needless to say, I never
gave Chad another thought after that, even after he left me a million voicemail
apologies and came over multiple times ringing the doorbell until I thought it
would fall off the frame of the house. Wasn't that much good sex in the world
to take another beat down like the one she gave me that day.
 |
| Ashamed to admit it, but that's me on the floor. |
I was grateful that she'd only used her
fists (and feet) instead of showing up with a gun or crowbar, and I swore off
dating for a good while after that while I tried to get myself together both physically and
mentally. I was scared for a long time,
not knowing if Cynthia was satisfied with the punishment she gave me, or if I'd
be out shopping somewhere, or god forbid meeting a client and she decided what
she gave me wasn't good enough. My worst nightmare was to have her pop out of
the bushes and go to waling on me all over again. I did think about pressing
charges, but I couldn't do that in good conscious, knowing the damage I'd done
to her marriage, her family and probably to her self-esteem.
I did take some safety measures though.
Right away, I had a security system installed at my home, and looked into some
martial arts based self-defense classes. I never did go to them; owning a gun,
even it was only to fire a warning shot into the air to scare her if I needed
to, seemed like a better use of my time and money.
Anyway, like I said, after that fiasco I swore of dating all together for a long while. It just wasn't worth the
drama to me. And as long as I kept a few batteries around the house, I was able
to take the edge off of my private sexual tension, and if I ran out of good
batteries, I knew how to use my fingers. But real talk, a toy and a finger
wiggle is no substitute for a warm blooded man, and I got tired of laying up in
my bed with a buzzer all the time. We all want someone to love us and love on
us, right? I don't know a single person who doesn't appreciate the words of the
late Teddy Pendergrass - It's so good loving somebody and somebody
loves you back. Which is what I was hoping for when I'd met Russell, but
that turned out to be a waste of my time and my emotions. I'll get to him later.
I had to come up with a better strategy
for getting and keeping a real man. Maybe if I would just pray about it, God
had somebody in mind that he wouldn't mind hooking me up with. If anybody knew
about a good man, He did. And I had to have asked God to forgive me for the
whole Chad thing at least one hundred times. So was it that He didn't hear me,
He didn't forgive me, or was it that I just never took the time to ask Him to
give me a man, tailor made for me? How many times had I heard that He
could do the impossible, or nothing is impossible with him? Lots of times. I knew He still made good men who were capable
of loving a woman because look at Dina's man, Betrand. If there has ever been
such thing as a man in love, Bertrand is the perfect example. With a smile as
wide as the ocean, he said he fell in love with Dina at first sight, and all
Dina had been doing was standing in line at the post office to get a book of
stamps. He saw her, he approached her, he swept her clean off her feet,
and he proposed to her in less than six months' time.
 |
| "Please send me a man Lord. Amen." |
Had he not come along, I don't know if I would have thought that there were men like that were still out there. To date,
none of them ever came my way, that's for damn sure. I was almost convinced
that attached somewhere on my body was a sign only visible to the most doggish
of men that read "For a good time, stop here." Every last one of my
relationships involved a man who was absolutely no good for me, but I had
always been too foolish to see it, giving them my all and getting almost
nothing in return.
I couldn't take another year of this
mess. Obviously I didn't know how to pick a man, so why not let God do it for
me. He orchestrated a couple of hook-ups in the bible, didn't He? Well if he
did it for others, He could do it for me, so with nothing to lose, I decided to
ask him.
"I'll
make a deal with you God; I'll go to church and you bring me a good man. One that
loves you and will love me the way I need to be loved. Deal?"
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