"Where are you going?" Kurt said.
"I have to
go to work today," Angela answered.
"I thought
you were taking the day off to spend with me," he said with a disappointed look.
"Somebody's
gotta pay the rent around here," she
spat as she pulled on a pencil
skirt.
"It's not
like I'm not looking for work," he
whined.
"I don't
have time for this," she
said dismissively.
Dialogue
tags are useful to help your reader understand who is saying what, however it
is not mandatory that you use them after every single line. In short, it takes
away from the writing and makes you look like an amateur.
Your readers are intelligent enough to keep up with written conversation without being guided every step of the way. Enhance your
writing by giving other details of the scene instead of pouring on the He Said/She
Saids. A light sprinkling will do - if you have to use them at all.
Look how many times dialogue tags are used below.
"Where are you going?" Kurt
leaned against the dresser watching Angela pull on a pencil skirt.
"I have to
go to work." With quick fingers she fastened the buttons of her blouse,
smoothed its hem line over the skirt then checked her appearance in the mirror.
"I thought
you were taking the day off to spend with me." No sooner than he'd
spoken, he wished he could snatch the words out of the air, not because he
didn't want her to stay, but because he sounded desperate and weak, even to his
own ears.
She shot him a
quick glance and rolled her eyes. "Somebody's gotta pay the rent
around here." Her words stabbed at his pride, attacking his
manhood. She slid her feet into a pair of black pumps and headed for the door.
Kurt followed
closely behind trying to find words that would offer some level of defense, but he
knew Angela's patience had run out. "It's not like I'm not looking for
work Angela." He reached for her hand but she jerked away, avoiding his
grasp.
"I don't
have time for this." Unable to bear the sight of him for another second,
she swung the door open, stepped through and slammed it behind her with such
force, their wedding picture fell from the wall and collided the floor,
shattering the glass frame.
See the difference? Same dialogue but no he said/she said, he answered, she spat. Instead, more details to engage the reader.
Strengthen your
writing skill by moving away from the He Said/She Saids. I promise you,
your readers will not get lost.
Kimberly T. Matthews"I knew exactly how many condoms were left in his gym bag, in a little black box, wrapped in gold foil. Seven. Each time I randomly checked for no other reason besides I knew they existed, there'd always been seven. So I was taken aback that morning when I went to do his laundry, peeked in the box and only found three..."
Lisa from - "Lisa's Dress"
Click here to download on Kindle!
=======================================
Enjoy my blog? Get a FREE 14-Day Subscription to your Kindle! Just click below.
4 comments:
This is such a good post for beginner writers. When I look back at what i first wrote - I am horrified by the dialogue tags.
Great post.
This is a great post, but I just add that some of the narration in this example slows down the conversation. Here, no, there's no "he said, she said" but there are other tags that keeps the conversation in check.
Thanks for your input Rahiem, and I agree with you. It does slow a bit with the details. At the same point of time, it drives home the point of the article. I'm open to feedback! :-)
Thank you Victoria. Retrospective looks at first works are often scary for all of us! LOL!
Post a Comment