The Work Day Pump
This shoe describes a woman's best platonic male friendships. The Pump is a basic type brother who maybe works with you everyday, and offers good male advice. The Pump will loan you a dollar for a soda, and will change your car tire for you if you don't have Triple A. He may from time to time express that he doesn't know why your boyfriend is trippin' because he would date you in a heart beat if given the chance.
The Flip-Flop
Flip-Flops make a lot of noise, but offer no true protection for the foot. The Flip-Flop man is much like this shoe. He constantly confesses that he loves you, and you're the woman of his dreams and he can't live without you, and one day the two of you will do this and have that. He's just full of empty promises and future commitment dates, but when it all boils down to it, talk is cheap.
The House Shoe
Although comfy, your chicken grease spattered slippers that make that 'shick-shick' sound when you walk across the kitchen are only good for things like taking out the trash and checking the mail. You can only see the House Shoe in the comfort and privacy of your own home, because as much as you enjoy his company, he will embarrass you if you take him out in public. House Shoes are for the house only!
The Bedroom Shoe
The Bedroom Shoe is soft, warm, inviting and luxuriously comfortable. You must be extremely careful not to confuse the Bedroom Shoe with the House Shoe – they are indeed different. Bedroom shoes are strictly for pampering, thus bringing relaxation to your entire body. A really good bedroom shoe (both the actual and the man version) will bring the wiggle out of your toes and a moan from your lips. The same way that the bedroom shoe feels good to your very sole, the Bedroom Shoe man feels good to your very soul! It is most important to take extreme caution to ensure that Bedroom Shoes do not become House Shoes. Carelessness and overuse for general purposes can cause this to happen very, very quickly.
The Stiletto
The Stiletto is a very sexy shoe . . . tall, makes your calves more appealing, and very versatile. You can wear it with a formal gown, or with a pair of cuffed jeans and a blouse. Now the Stiletto man doesn't necessarily have to be tall, but he has to look good on your arm no matter what the occasion. Although you already look good, he makes you look even better . . . with his sexy fine self! (If he is not sexy and fine, no matter how versatile he is, he simply is not a Stiletto.)
What kind of shoe is your man?